You booked your table weeks in advance and you’re wearing that gorgeous new designer jacket, but when you show up at the restaurant with your companion(s), you are ushered to the worst table, rushed through your dinner, and largely ignored by the staff.

Or… you purchased your plane tickets a month in advance, were first in line with your upgrade certificates, yet you and your travel mates are given seats in the back of the plane.

What heinous crime did you commit in these two scenarios that would warrant such abuse?

It’s quite simple: you brought your children.

If you don’t believe that this can happen, it’s possible that you either don’t have kids, or you haven’t taken them to a fine dining establishment or tried to get them decent seats on a plane. The truth is, when restaurant managers, gate attendants and front desk clerks see little people in your party, they often typecast you, whether they will admit it or not. And unfortunately, that can mean poor service for you.

But let’s be fair. Though your children may be graduates of the finest cotillion class in the nation, with impeccable dining and travel manners, there are many who most assuredly do not fit that description.

You know who I’m talking about… the little urchin who disrupted your romantic dinner by throwing the contents of his breadbasket at you… the kid who had the screaming tantrum just when you had fallen asleep on that flight to New York… or the pack of mini-hooligans in the room next to yours who jumped on the bed all night to the musical accompaniment of loud Barney vocals. Okay, so all children are not as perfect as yours.

Does that mean you should suffer? Of course not… if you can help it. To that end, here are some tips to help you get great service, even with the kids in tow.

In A Restaurant

• Be realistic. Before you book your table, decide what kind of atmosphere you want for you and the kids. If it’s a special occasion, you may want a fine dining establishment. Just make sure your children are up to the task. While you and your 10 year-old may be perfectly fine with a three hour, four-course meal, it will most likely be misery for your two-year-old. When dining with very young children, pick an establishment that is at the very least kid-friendly. In general, restaurants that actually have a kid’s menu are a good choice.
• Call ahead. When making your reservations, be honest about your expectations. If you want the coveted table by the fireplace and are bringing a well-behaved child, there should be no reason why you shouldn’t get it. Just make sure you speak to the manager about your expectations ahead of time so that there are no ugly surprises when you show up. Explain that it is a special occasion, you are a repeat customer (even if you are not), and that you are bringing a child (or children) — but that you would like the same treatment you always get when dining at this particular establishment.
• Request a Specific Table. Many customers request “special” tables when making a reservation. Try to get a reservation confirmation number when doing this and make sure to get the name of the person you are speaking to.
• Stand Your Ground. If you have made your phone call, requested a specific table, and are still ushered to the table near the kitchen, kindly tell the maitre d’ that you have arranged for a different table ahead of time. Invoke your confirmation number, request to speak to the manager, and explain again that this is a special occasion and you would like the table you reserved.

If all of the above fails, try not to have a temper tantrum yourself — you will only be validating their fears that children (and those who dare to bring them to a restaurant) are not suited for their establishment. Either accept the table they give you (with a strong letter to follow), or leave. There are many other establishments that will undoubtedly appreciate your business. It is ultimately your choice, after all.

At The Airport

Let’s be honest — there is not a whole lot you can do in an arena where passengers — with and without children — are regularly abused. But here are a few ideas:

• Don’t Tell Them Ahead. If you are looking to get upgraded, don’t drag the kids up to the gate agent. That’s right, leave them seated nearby with another responsible adult and walk up to the gate agent alone, and ask that you and your “seat companions” please be upgraded with your certificates.
• Appeal To The Agent’s Sympathy. If you are a mom en route to Chicago with a two-year-old, let the agent know that you have been having a hard day and that getting upgraded or at the very least, sitting in a decent section of coach would really make your day. Remember, that gate agent has the power (providing that seats are available), so be really, really nice.
• Dress For Success. If you’re looking to get upgraded and you’re flying with children, you may want to spiff up a bit. Sure, if you happen to be a hit TV series producer or a famous actress, by all means, show up in crummy jeans and a sweatshirt — you’ll still be treated like a king. Just don’t expect the same treatment if you’re a mom traveling with two toddlers.

At The Hotel

Everyone, even people with kids, deserves to get a good night’s sleep. Here’s how not to get the room next to that noisy ice machine, or even next to someone else’s annoying kids.

• Put the Kids On Best Behavior. At least for the ten minutes you’ll be checking in, ask your kids (bribe them if necessary) to be polite little angels. Have them play the Quiet Game, if you must, promising the winner a reward like a room service milkshake.
• Talk to the Manager. If the front desk clerk insists there are only rooms next to the vending machine, immediately ask for the hotel manager. If you’re polite and stand your ground, you should be able to land a nice room.
• Lastly, don’t forget to be considerate of others. If your child does start screaming in a restaurant or hotel, you owe it to yourself, not to mention your fellow diners/travelers, to take the little er… darling outside until the tantrum is over.

Traveling with kids isn’t always easy, but it should at least be as comfortable as possible. If all else fails and you believe you are being discriminated against because you have children, remind the clerk/agent that they were once children, too.

And besides, no matter where you wind up for dinner, on the plane, or to sleep, you’re with the people you undoubtedly love most in the world… and isn’t that what counts in the end?

By Jennifer Evans Gardner, Editor-in-Chief, PeterGreenberg.com.

Want more info on traveling with your whole family? Don’t miss Taking the Kids: How to Make Sure Mom Gets a Break on Vacation.